Introduction Mentals Dreams Generals Physicals
Mental Symptoms
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I had the urge
to sit in the rocking chair and rock myself violently. Spent the evening
in the company of strangers at study group, felt very comfortable very
sociable. Had been insular and unsociable since a close bereavement 18
months ago. Enjoyed the evening and stayed late with no feeling of being
trapped or wanting to escape. Ate a plate of
turkey sandwiches guilt free, I had been a vegetarian for 10 years. I've been dippy
all day, I was definitely having a "blonde" day, I put things
on top of the car. and drove around town with them still there. Feeling more feminine
and girly. Still girly and
dippy, people commenting that I’m not as efficient as usual, think
I’m "away with the fairies". Went
shopping and had unusual interest in buying clothes, make up, jewellery.
Never usually interested in this sort of shopping. Bought 9 blouses, 2
dresses, 1 skirt, perfume and make up. Spent over £300 without a
qualm, wanted to spoil myself and treat myself. Didn't feel guilty afterwards. Went to homeopathy
college and people commented on the way I had dressed, clothes with matching
accessories and makeup. Have decided to grow hair longer, more feminine.
Someone said I looked very confident and was glowing and bright. Sociable and confident,
with slightly less energy. Still taking more care of my appearance, still
"girly", wearing more makeup and skirts, dressing smarter. Still fluffy and
girly. Totally dippy
driving my car today, couldn't find reverse, driving as if I was still
in my old car sold 10 year ago (dreamt about it last night). Doing silly little
things (due to PMT?) like putting inside the fridge things that should
go in the cupboard. Again doing silly
little things. Forgetful. Feeling very impatient
and irritable. Didn’t sleep
well but in the morning I wasn’t moody - I always am if I don’t
sleep well. I’m going
to work and I’m still being forgetful. Before I closed the front
door I had to go back inside three times. At work they said
to me that the lights are on but nobody’s in. That is not me. Worse PMT I’ve
had in a while. Very moody and impatient. Feel its beneficent,
soft feel, like cotton wool. Feel peaceful,
calm, relaxed. Feel aware of
the flat plane of each layer of teeth. Feel like smiling.
Feel a bit drunk,
without the wooziness. I am in my head
and arms and hands - the rest of me is disconnected, but also supporting
me. So comfortable,
don’t want to shift position of legs even a bit – arms and head
move, rest of body feels its just there, not heavy, just quite still. Sensation as if
smiling. Still smiling,
even after an afternoon at clinic. Looked at my arms,
and connected with how they have been during summers – my arms linked
me with my past self, especially summers, holidays, back activities. Had
brief flashbacks to various summer holidays – it seemed to link those
times with the present. Having a drink
of water, suddenly saw arms as being strong, efficient, useful things
and I liked having them there. Anxious on waking
(it was stormy). Anxious about global warming. Aware of the shape
the teeth make in the jaw again. My awareness seems to be in the space
between my teeth. Have to go to
a seminar, would normally want to go, but feel very reluctant. Crave some
peace and quiet. Woke feeling very
low. Sensation as if, too much to do, feel sorry for myself, teary. Low confidence,
feel inadequate (I’d never have come to those remedies). Better mood, able
to be efficient. Forgetful, printing
same things out twice. Mood is persistently
quite low, feel I can’t quite get up the energy to enjoy anything. Anxiety about
getting breast cancer on frequent waking. Feel outward.
Usually have a desire to close eyes when I take a remedy. I want the light
on. Frivolous feelings! Restless, but
mind doesn’t feel as though it wants to think about anything in particular.
I don’t want to engage. (Though it’s) not in a muzzy way. "Daughter
said there’s not a word for ‘fool’ in Japanese", laughed.
Feeling light-hearted. Feel light in
body, not very grounded. Don’t feel
inward as usual. The room is slightly
empty, not quite rich enough. I’d be nice if there was a lit candle
so I’d have something to look at. (Noticed a design on a cover for
the first time despite it being there for several years). This room doesn’t
have any blue in it. It needs more rich things. Seeing it in a different
way. Complained of
supervisors clothes being too casual, like he’d just come in off
the beach and wasn’t being quite serious about the proving. Disliked
pale colour of his trousers. Preferred richer colours like silky blue
or orangy brown. Tired physically,
bright mentally. Open and communicative, in touch, relaxed, easy going.
Work is not a chore. Feel in touch
with my feelings and not self conscious or inhibited. Able to just be
- not over expressive either. Easy going and relaxed rather than my usual
intensity. Physical work
is a chore, mental work not. Focused, less
scatty. Work is easy including doing accounts and teaching a class. The
teaching felt dynamic and easy even though it is physical. Confused over
word order. Eg "Hold your hands with your feet" Feel sluggish. Happy in myself. General desire
to connect with people and things. Able to go to
supermarket in the evening and be focused and buy a few things, without
shutting down. Very unusual, especially for the first day of my period.
Before I took
the remedy, if I was in a shopping centre, I’d feel negative about
not having enough money, things not working, and comparing self to others
who "have". Would still feel it would be all right in the end. Can still get
PMT but less intense or manic. Since last year
been more open and positive. Not comparing
myself as had in the past. (More confident?) On taking the
remedy and waiting for an effect the first thing he said was "Dr.
Jeckyll and Mr Hyde - hair sprouted from the palms of hands." Able to be still.
I feel "nothing" coming through. Some of my cuddly
glow has gone. The quality of
looking at the world is less rewarding. He seems drawn
into himself (he agreed). Sadder, melancholic,
blue. Reflecting. Flatter. Drawn to what
is wrong eg had sprained ankle recently and now more aware of it. Already more buoyant.
Effects of remedy either short lived or I’ve accommodated them quickly. Passive/reactive
- stuff happens. Feel depleted and at the mercy of the world. It seems that
the world has become a place of limited resources, so have to think careful
what I put out, and less like a place of abundance where I can simply
get on with it. Feel more like a miser than an abundant person (not materially). Felt defensive
like it was a hostile universe, like being in the desert and you had to
hoard water. Felt the same
both indoors and outdoors. What would help?
A sense of lightness and buoyancy. Feel discontented.
The world seemed a less attractive place. It was flatter, colours ceased
to be gorgeous. An overall perception
of the world out there and me in my world - separate and closed. Not a
massive deal but still there. Left the car unlocked
in the city centre. Very untypical. Intolerant, irritable. Ennui. Not as focused.
Less decisive. Dropping and spilling
food. Spilt some over myself. Bumbling. Left the lights
on in the car (the battery ran flat) and hadn’t got his AA card. Got a parking
ticket. Anxious, fretful,
worrying. Lacklustre - inwards. Communication
difficult. Everything is hard. Muddled like an
old man. Memory poor. Took much longer
with clients, not on the ball. Everything seems
a struggle. [Very determined
that he will take a remedy to antidote the effect and did at the end of
the second day, and felt better after a minute. Took Lac Humanum which
was the remedy he’d most recently had before the proving.] Day less hectic
than usual so feel at ease/relaxed. Took second dose
after attending a meeting, felt alert and able to understand everything
at the meeting. Did accounts until 23.30. Felt clear headed
and at ease. I purposefully
had a more physically active day as the previous days had been relatively
uneventful compared with my normally very hectic but unstructured lifestyle.
I would have normally felt quite tired after such a day but was still
mentally alert and energetic, so did some paperwork and reading. Watched two TV
programmes in the late afternoon (unusual). Felt well but lazy. Felt motivated
but not pressured. Thinking clearly about my normal activities and planning. Annoyed at myself
at getting my timetable wrong and ending up flustered. Afternoon/evening
- clear thoughts. Feel I’m in control again. I am surprised
I have written so much. I do not normally express my feelings/thoughts.
No, I haven’t been drinking! Usually wash hair
before breakfast (not every day), but today decided to go out shopping
locally first. Still feeling
well and alert. Being alert mentally
is the only thing of note. Still alert. Notice I have
not been in perpetual motion as is normal for me. Perhaps because I am
mentally alert, I am thinking about what I am going to do instead of rushing
headlong into the many things previously listed regardless of whether
I really have time to do them. (overview) Very high spirits. Left with a slight
anxious feeling after a dream. A colleague has
had a rough time. I would normally be very concerned and be thinking a
lot about how I can help her, what can I do, believing I can help her,
much of the night, but I feel distanced, though still concerned, only
thinking of her once or twice. Maybe I am seeing things more clearly and
less emotionally? Felt a bit panicky
and weepy but didn’t actually cry. Memory getting
worse. Had been taking Ginkgo Biloba before the proving. Felt angry that
my husband had woke me (even though I was happy he’d come to see
how I was). And again angry when he woke me as he came to bed. (During
headache). Felt slightly
agitated during first hour (because hadn’t had breakfast. - Supervisor) Urge to rock back
and forth - security feeling (had arms across chest, hugging self. - Supervisor) Slept on settee
for 45 minutes. Woke around 10 pm feeling very anxious for no particular
reason. Felt something might happen to my family, husband and sons - car
accident - very restless - similar symptoms before last time 8 months
ago. Went to bed had argument with husband. Felt upset, depressed and
hopeless (said ‘I feel so scared’ whilst trying to go to sleep.
- Supervisor) Felt depressed,
don’t want to get up or go to work. Mood improved
during the day - felt better for sighing. much better by evening Rang sister in
the evening - identical twin. I took the remedy at her home on Sunday
- she had very similar symptoms to me but the onset was a few hours later.
ie depression, fear, anxiety (close relatives having car accident), severe
cramp and had an argument with her partner extremely similar content to
my argument with my husband. We have experienced having similar symptoms
in the past and often know if each other are unwell. Argument with
husband 7 am did not dwell on it. Felt happy and
light all day - felt I had more energy. Woke during the
night feeling really depressed and hopeless. Had been dreaming, can’t
remember, but feel it may have been connected with my mood. Similar mood on
waking am. Cheered up during
the day but felt very irritable most of the day. Mood much better. Felt irritable
in the morning, mood improved during day (during fever/sore throat) A thought occurred
to me that I feel my symptoms are like a ‘holding in’, ‘not
flowing properly’. Shouting at other
drivers on way to work, quite angry mood > during day Had road rage
again today ‘have to check myself to shut up’ Felt I was not
in control of my thoughts (delirious), temperature 100° Have a slight
aversion to my cat and really irritated by her. Didn’t go
to work (although feeling > ). Returned to work. Incident at work,
made me feel uncomfortable and embarrassed, upset me. The way I am reacting
to this event is out of all proportion to the actual event. Like it has
‘ pushed a few buttons’ in me and bringing up emotion and feelings
that don’t belong to here and now. Feel my energy
is being drained away from heart/ solar plexus ( "as if a hole in
my solar plexus and my energy is draining away" ) area. Finding it impossible
to relax, feel vulnerable, stupid (OS) and that I am ‘beating myself
up’. Feeling the same
plus feeling I need protection and security. Strong feeling of trying
to hold something in emotionally (like a child that needs protecting,
walking around with arms around self, hugging self, holding something
in. Asking husband for hugs, not normally a touchy person. From - Supervisor).
Still feeling
drain from solar plexus area. Want to be held,
feel vulnerable. Trying to rationalise
situation all the time. Out with friends,
felt > Work incident
still popping into my head in day, feeling very sensitive about it. Flashbacks
to the event, feeling stupid and wishing it could be different. Again upset by
work incident, angry with self for letting it bother me so much and allowing
it to happen in the first place. Irritable, ‘snapping’. Woke about 2 am
with the thought that everything I believed in was an illusion (US) Nothing
really exists, when you die your dead etc. God didn’t exist Felt
hopeless and a bit desperate with a fear of madness and being out of control Felt physically
twice my size widthways but not front to back(US) which made me feel not
in control of my physical being. Unable to settle
and return to sleep so got up at 3 am. Day was > Slight panic attack,
anxious and unable to breath, for 15 minutes Slightly anxious
when reminded of work incident* ( overheard conversation) dealt with it
Unable to go back
to sleep, feeling anxious and a bit hopeless about myself. Felt whole
world and the way we live is mad. Fear of death. Fear of life. Fear of the dark. Fear of madness. Slightly depressed
> by midday. After a work dream
Left with a feeling that I am too responsible and too much is expected
of me. Poor nights sleep,
woke 2 am feeling anxious, unable to go back to sleep, got up, dozed until
morning. Slight panic attack
before going to sleep, fearful not sure of what. Very tired all
day, irritable and angry with people at work (after only 3 hours sleep
previous night) [This fear is
so big, like fear of fear itself, difficult to pin to one thing] Felt happier than
for a couple of weeks. Someone said I ‘looked better’ (this
is second day of her period). Good day. Very irritable
in afternoon, > in evening after a long run. Woke 2.30 am feeling
desperately unhappy (and want to talk to someone. - Supervisor) but don’t
know why. Left frontal sinus
blocked, > by crying. During the proving
had an affinity to pink and orange colours. Usually wear black and blue.
[reported on follow up after 17 months] 9A Feeling relaxed,
not thinking about anything in particular, no images come to mind when
closing eyes. (To think of anything else takes a positive effort. Relaxed
within these 4 walls, seems enough at present - from Supervisor who thought
he was very relaxed after the remedy - prover thought it was normal for
him) [Relaxed, opened
up, became more talkative. Talking a lot about a past relationship.] Feel at ease and
peaceful. Not so many thoughts whirring around in my head, my mind has
slowed down; not under any pressure to resolve anything anymore. Feel
quiet and still. [Stopped talking
– enjoying the peace and stillness. Noticing the quiet in the flat.
Noticing the surroundings in the flat and finding it very relaxing] Level of frustration
felt on driving is lower than normal. Feelings of anger
towards former work colleagues were not, for once, uppermost in my mind. I absorbed (heard)
more than I normally would from what was on Radio 4. Wanting to bury
the hatchet with former work colleagues; very angry about these people,
but wanting to put the past behind me – life’s a bit short to
carry it around with you. The calmness is
still there, enabling me to get a better grip on situations; feeling more
on top of things. Arranged to go
out and meet a friend for a drink – that surprises me because normally
I’m an unsociable git. Feel I have relaxed
more than usual. Stayed calm under
pressure, moreso than I would have expected given the difficulties. Thoughts are
less intense, less of a presence in the mind, have become preoccupied
with thinking about other things. Part of me feels more calm and peaceful,
spreading over things, rather than focusing on one thing that I can’t
resolve. Thinking more now about family, things read in the newspaper. [The main thread
of the remedy has been a calmer feeling, mentally and emotionally. Less
angry, irate, settled down; feelings of violence less consuming. Less
feelings of anger in the upper chest. [Reflecting on
relationships a lot; talking about all the people in the world who want
to be with someone.] [Talking nicely,
gently, sweetly, friendly.] I have a feeling
in my body as if slightly drunk, a warmth through my body, relaxed. Senses
as if dulled; hearing and vision dulled; feel the edge has been taken
off things; feel as if high and removed from things. Is the remedy Prozac? Feeling of being
calm, no blabber vision. Coming back to the here and now rather than worrying
about things. Awareness of
motivation to get things done. Slight agitation
through morning. Feeling calm with
a surge of motivation. [Wants to stay
up and watch TV (which is unusual). Dilemma between talking to people
and wanting to watch TV.] Feeling brilliant,
comfortable with things: all the normal things: life, children, relationship
– managing to float through it. More focused,
a bit more energy. Images like hairy
legs of a spider, head of a cockerel. Mood calm. Energy higher
than usual. Calm, no excessiveness. Reasonably focused. Tired and restless
– having to do lots of things. A thought –
a tall ship – I’m not into tall ships, quite small, mast twice
as high as length of boat, 2 sails but could be out at sea, not in a dock
or port. It could be perilous but actually very safe. Cool breezy weather.
18th century tea clippers? You might think you wouldn’t want to cross
the ocean in that but people did, lots. Word arrows coming
from behind . May be connected with adrenaline feeling. Small howl –
that was anxiety like apprehension – came up into my throat. Hostility there,
the boat was unwelcome. I’m an observer, an etheric observer –
I’m not quite there so I don’t feel the threat. I’m seeing
from the point of view of intruder who came on ship. Something to do
with colonies. Taking stuff that isn’t theirs. Partly why it’s
not a huge threat, they’ve got the power. But you wouldn’t go
off on your own.
Feeling quite
excited, a wave of it. Optimism – let’s get on with it, motivation.
Quite a zip. (Usually tired, sleepy in evening). Big, round sun
– what I like. Chocolate and
cocoa beans - in my mind, not eating them, more like being in cocoa plantations
- warmth and nurturing. Thinking of travelling
boats aeroplanes trains, travel, superimposed over map of world –
India. Big buildings like Taj Mahal. Ivory. Elephants. Bright colours,
dressed up elephants. I’m having a great time here. Tree like skeleton
tree but coniferous shimmery goldy-silver. Somewhere cold
and dreary and dull. Very different – India feels totally gone. Closed
in feeling like winter when you wrap your coat round you. Introvert. It’s
raining outside but it’s like slushy snow – wouldn’t want
to be out in it – I’d turn inward to a nice warm fire. Not that
I’m cold. Angels, way above.
Feeling crown chakra – connectedness with angels. Feeling tired
– because I’ve travelled round the world – once. Quietly content
feeling. Quite inward, not ‘let’s go do it’ like a few
minutes ago. As if I left home
and went in a circle and came back. It just happened. Picture [image]
of fossil – ammonite, lots of lines in a circle. Felt alive and
invigorated. Connections and
communications, chatty. Bumped into a
vagrant chap with bad leg – asked him questions, gave him a remedy. Laid back, having
a laugh, being true Gemini self. Woods so beautiful,
looking at trees. I said they look like loads of people standing there
with their roots going into the soil and their arms reaching towards the
sky. Feeling in tune – trees – looking at branches – so
beautiful. Slightly flirtatious
feeling when chatting to people. Thought how nice
it would be to have a partner (not what I want normally, haven’t
got the space or time). 17 year old son
wants to be away for New Year – philosophical – it’s his
life now – I’ve done my bit for saying yes or no. Grumpy this morning,
fed up. Less tolerant, waking kids. Stressy type of morning. Whingey, better
seeing patient. Muddle in my mind. Not sociable
today. Tired, lacking
energy (early in day), feels like 10.30. But part of me wants to get on. Lots of energy
pulling out a fireplace, clearing up room, taking rubble up to dump. Lets
go for it mood. Sorting and clearing
stuff up. Feeling a bit
low at time, better for getting going (occupation amel.) Put out by eldest
son, always going out at the moment, feels like its breaking up our family.
Feel a little bit bereft. He’s written a whole portfolio of lyrics
he’s written for his band and I didn’t know. It’s natural
and I know that – think it’s the source of the low feeling. Lots of energy,
pulling out fireplaces, taking rubble to dump. Up and down: Up:
thoroughly enjoyed new patient yesterday Feeling grossly
fat, disgustingly fat. My legs are like tree trunks but tree trunks are
nice (so they’re not). Don’t like
crowds, don’t like Xmas shopping, people in the way all the time.
Have not felt depressed like this for ages, at least a year. Stuck in limbo
in the middle, not much freedom in it. [Eldest son moving on and me thinking
of getting on with my life for me, but still in family situation with
the other two children] Day has gone quickly.
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