Prover G

15/9/96 11pm
1 dose

MIND
Pre -- Irritation
Pre -- Resistance to taking remedy
0 Immediate warmth in the belly and upward flow of euphoria was experienced plus a feeling of clearing of mind, of head, of fogginess, of anxiety and irritation - almost reminiscent of snorting cocaine with the addition of chalky sinuses. Then "letting go" tiredness - much yawning
0 Speedy, as if I’d taken cocaine. Feel motivated, getting on with life. things are coming together.
0 Mind seemed to open up - expand - strength of spirit emerged
0 Now clear and confident of my decision to leave job and move on - before I had many fears of this. Reaffirmed my need to work within an honest and supportive network - NOT power based
0 I noticed on arriving home a need to be alone - but found a wild, mischievous, confident person present herself to the household. Much bolder and crazy - daring and strong within - a sense of being centred and true. Loved being centre of attention and telling my story. The speedy feelings remained throughout the evening with me wanting to dance.
0 Possibility this is bringing up old vulnerabilities
1 Snappily assertive. Snapped at partner "I'd appreciate it if you’d stop telling me what to do". Feeling of anger - felt very strong, in my power, though very "scattered". Spilled 3 things this morning - whirlwind energy , unfocussed. Felt very different - detached - quick to bite.
1 Sensitivity to light and noise of traffic
1 Walking in sunny air by river also eased my uptightness. Clear thoughts and spontaneous wit and ideas. Energy feels shifted
9-14 Increased tiredness and sadness as week progressed.
13 Increase of need to be alone
15 Since Day 12 I have noticed how I would love to be at "The Summit" - out bush, just watching the river flow. I am finding this roller coaster so fast, I would love to have the time to step off it and see/speak/hear from close friends. I feel sadness at all my beautiful friends scattered world-wide. I feel a need for intimacy with someone who knows me so very well. I miss ex-partner, his bigness, his solidness, his body, his warmth and hugs.
19 Assertive with boundaries
19 Beautiful loving with P - why? I see a marked change around my "emotional detatchment" - love the physical as opposed to mental trauma.
20-22 Felt low, a bursting urge to be alone far from the city. A need to step off the train and just be.
22 Talking in groups I find hard - one to one with "realism" is what counts

HEAD
Pre -- Foggy headedness
? Raging headache

EYE
0 Eyes felt stretched apart
1 Sensitivity to light of traffic

VISION
Clearer and sharper vision - as if my eyes are stretched.

HEARING
1 Sensitivity to noise of traffic

NOSE
0 Chalky feeling in nose immediately after taking the remedy.

THROAT - INTERNAL
? raging sore throat

STOMACH
0 Desire for broccoli
0 Want to cut down tea
0 Sugar and butter crumble didn’t seem to upset me
1 Nauseous. Swimming and being surrounded by water helped this afternoon.
2 Still feeling nauseous

ABDOMEN
0 Immediate warmth in the belly and upward flow of euphoria

RECTUM
1 Sore bottom - is it a scratch? Or piles?

STOOL
1 Three good shits, long and dark

LARYNX & TRACHEA
? Voice hoarse and chesty

RESPIRATION
0 Yawning

CHEST
Pre -- Chesty dryness
5 Shakiness when inhaling deeply. Is it muscular?6 Two days of funny top chest pain. Sometime in solar plexus area. Stabs on full inbreath
? Chesty?
? Lots of mucous

BACK
? Aching "brittle" neck and shoulders/knees

EXTREMITIES
? Aching "brittle" neck and shoulders/knees

DREAMS
0 Being left out in group - never quite synchronised with group - sadness and discomfort with this. L was there talking to leader who I fancied. Young girls’ breasts on stage. Cooking event, I didn’t want to do it, the game I obviously won with handfuls of crisps! Feelings of inadequacy and separation in dream. Anger at girl sitting in my seat - dug my nails into her head and shouted
1 Ma and Pa. Ma wanted to remain in the country, dad to move to the city - back to London. Caterpillar falling down a huge hole, turning into faeri child as it flies towards me. Short, red haired. Me leaving ex-partner and boys and not sure what to say.
5 Gangster family. Head bloke fancied me. Went to friends place to hide from thugs. I split on head bloke. Went to another friends house after head bloke shot, he was too busy to be with me. Buying a house with mates.
13 Asking uncle about history of Alexander. Friend in orange T-shirt and him and I killing
14 Travelling to Spain. Tiny streets, stucco houses, steep descent into a street that had been blocked for days. Looking out, the sea was so blue and calm, hot sun, no-one swimming. Who was it that I was in love with? A fair haired person.
16 Place high up. Woman planting trees. Rocky. Friends came to stay. Predominance of feeling that I wanted to be alone

FEVER
? Fever

PERSPIRATION
? perspiration

GENERALITIES
Pre-- Tiredness and low energy
0 Within seconds of the pill dissolving energy levels soared
0 Tiredness
1 Woke feeling exhausted
1 Not good with heat. Felt overwhelmed around midday in the kitchen - TOO HOT!
1 Swimming and being surrounded by water helped this afternoon. Walking in sunny air by river also eased my uptightness
9 Zappy energy till 3pm. Then very tired, allow came over me and I desperately wanted to simply sit and be.
7-14 Increased tiredness as week progressed

Venus Intro.

Themes and Repertory

Why "Venus Stella Errans"