Prover I

11/10/96 12.25 hrs
Single dose

This prover experienced some symptoms as she moved the rededy some time before taking it. The symptoms lasted for 3 days.
On the first night after taking the pill, her daughter had a dream that seemed significant, so I’ve included it in italics.

MIND
Pre. Felt I needed some help. How can I drive to Shropshire? Felt I was cracking up

0 Feel silly as if something is expected of me, something errudite
0 Feel a need to sit up. Neck > in this position, as if I’ve loosened up
0 Feel composed, my mind is usually like a butterfly
0 I’ve spent some time improving my filing system when I’d usually feel tired. (More energy?)
0 I felt relaxed just after taking the remedy and a short while later I felt weepy, which isn’t unusual for me, but with this I felt a tension holding back the tears
0 I found myself just looking at the toadstools I hadn’t noticed before in my neighbours garden
0 I cooked a meal for all my family. I usually have a large mental block over what to feed my kids.

1 I had to clear up the school playground which was covered in litter. A Herculian task. Me and my kids did it. Its unusual to have me and the kids together like this, we’re usually estranged
1 When shopping, I was behind a woman at the checkout who was taking a long time. I had time pressures, kids to meet etc. I told her to go to a different checkout. I was embarressed about saying such a thing. I was in a hurry. I hadn’t allowed myself enough time. I would have normally gritted my teeth. this time I felt "What a cheek! I don’t want to stand hear any longer"
1 When driving on a country lane, a car came fast round the corner. I stopped. The other driver looked relieved (grinning?). I said "That was close" and that was it. I’d normally be angry though gritted teeth and be jittery afterwards. I kept my cool in this situation, but not in the one earlier in the day at the checkout. I felt laissez-faire, its not a big deal. Matter of fact. Not shaken. Accepting.
1 I want to take someone out for the day, (enthusiastic, active ?)

2 An old symptom returned. I used to totter in heels and revealing clothes "saying" look but don’t touch.
2 After sex felt an overall pleasant sensation. Happy I still have sex - appreciative. Warming to husband more than usual. Tried to forgive him that he can’t talk to me.
2 My general indifference to my family has shown signs of improving. Not lots - I’m still irritable with them. There is more going for us than I give it credit. Appreciation
2 Birds seem more prominant to me than usual
2 Mother-in law came to stay yesterday. She’s very critical and I’m more sensative to it than usual. I’m usally defensive and silent, Nat - Mur’ish, but I said something, stood up for myself. I almost managed to make a joke out of it

3 Tearful, deflated and resentful to mother-in-law. Still can’t tell her stuff
3 Still warmer towards husband and daughters
3 Still not done my casework. It would be blindingly obvious to others. I,m going round in circles, like when I took Lac Luppa. I’m normally a butterfly
3 My kids are less finicy about their food
3 I’ve been stammering a bit. Several words, a phrase - try all the different words to get it out, to say some of it. It has happened several times
3 I’ve possibly been trying harder for the barrier with my mother-in-law not to be there. I’ve tried to do what would come normally, like with others, with communication

4 Fear that dream of an accident I’d caused would occur in reality. I don’t want to kill anyone

5 Aunt (fathers sister) died
5 Felt clearer in consultations (got more symptoms out?)
5 I seem to be producing a minor crisis to produce symptoms

7 I’ve had to organise flowers, hair etc for Aunts funeral, so much been going on so I haven’t written in my book.
7 Anxious about taking car to the funeral which is in such a bad state
7 Parents are buried up where she lived, I don’t see their grave much. I will pay a call. (Weeping)
7 I’ve been more aware of my hurried feeling and so have been slightly less impatient
7 Still been clearer with cases
7 I have half brothers and sisters who will be at the funeral. I met them for the first time at my fathers funeral
7 Tension and relaxation seem to be a part of this remedy
7 I dislike to make polite conversation. I’ve been saying home truths, but have been untactful. saying things and not keeping them to myself

8-10 Averse to making the effort to talk to people. I feel my mind isn’t really here.
8-10 Tearful over regrets as a daughter. I used to burst into tears easily. I realise it’s weakness. It’s like I can’t say it, in the past, so I’d cry. Now I can express myself. If I sit up straight perhaps I’ll grow taller and stop being a little wimp. I’ve tried to spread myself too thinly amongst too many people since I’ve stopped being a wimp. I want to be the one who is dishing out support. Now, I’m asking for support
8-10 Generally better outdoors and doing things
10 My washing machine is leaking - there’s puddles from that, some in my car and there’s me!
8-10 ? I want comfort and togethherness rather than have a feeling of lust with sex. Want sympathy, cuddles. This is more than usual
8-10 ? I have more energy. I’m cleaning more than usual. Removing limescale where there’s been years of lack of attention.
8-10 ? Don’t feel inclined to do anything about next doors sheep thats been let out by my daughter. It’s next doors sheep, I want to be by myself
8-10 ? Saw a little old lady nearly step out in front of a car

10 An overwhelming sense of grief, not sure who it’s about. Tears welling up on talking of parents (have died some time ago). Would have thought I’d dealt with that grief. It’s difficult to talk about grief

11 At the funeral, I didn’t want company. Weeping on talking. Visited parents grave. Thanked them and told them about their grandchildren. As I relate this I’m sad because there’s no-one to share it with. It’s more overpowering than before

11-13 Tend to be more expressive of my thoughts. I had given up with my husband, but expressive with others. My husband and me haven’t spoke to his brither and his family for 9 months. I came back from the funeral thinking there is a need to sort out our problems now before this gets worse. I forgive but my husband doesn’t. He’s been silent when I approach him about it. Maybe it’s up to him. Now I’m tearful. It’s difficult to talk to my sister-in-law because of my bursting into tears. She’s not a crying person. I have the impetus but not the tools to do anything about it.

14-18 ? I had to tell everyone about how distressed I was about dealing with a friends boy. his total defiance, his anger, abuse. I told everyone about it whether appropriate or not, I had to
18 Have noticed I’ve said more of what’s going on in my head rather than leaving it there. Stuff popping out without control over it
18 Husband had an ecg which showed all wasn’t well. This shoved something that has got us talking together, more than usual. he cried, he doesn’t usually

25 I’m back to where I was when I started the proving. I need a remedy. I’m still saying what I think rather than not saying it. I have been less irritable and short tempered with my nearest and dearest. My voice had been slower.

25 During crying I felt dumb with anger. A feeling I have had before ????????

DREAMS
0 (Daughters dream - On a Bay Watch beach. Scarey people all wearing balaclava masks. All I could see was the eyes. Then I woke)

4 In an open plan office. I see the room from one side, desks and screens. I had to gatther up a pink book on divination. The route (of the gathering up) of it is divine. It was about religion and stuff. I had to look it up. Sadam Hussain’s name backwards is Modas. I see things in baby equipment. It was like moving house and taking all the things with you. On a tube train, it was busy and crowded. My husband was there. At one station I had to get off. Doors had closed before I had finished. I had to go on to return. On return there were lots of wood, panels inside (the train). It was a deisel train, it was busy. I had to find something to eat and to get everything (objects?) together.
4 I was driving, my hands weren’t on the wheel. 2 old ladies walked in front of the car. I knocked one over. She had a lined, wrinkled face. I woke. Thought "I hope she’s all right. I had hit a boy in the past, scatched his bottom. This woman appeared in the same way, no chance of seeing them until in front of the car. It reminded me of a vision, from outside the car, of seeing an elderly lady stunned, lying in the road after being hit by a car. I don’t want to be clairvoyant. (She had a feeling that this would occur in reality)

VERTIGO
Pre. Dizzy as turned head or body. < standing and if moved sideways. > if walking or moving. Felt I would topple over if I leaned forward.

HEAD
8 headache, tight across forehead. Better lying on my side. Worse for motion

EYE
1 Left eye feels sore. I took my contact lense out
1 Eyeball felt larger. Had been crying yesterday and they’re often big after crying, but this is more marked
1 Eye watered for a while while eating, 8-10pm

8 Left eye watering, feels slightly swollen, vision is slightly blurry

VISION
0 I can see further out of the window. I can see more distant trees, misty trees in the distance

1 Saw halo’s round streetlights. If the streetlight was like a pupil, there was an iris around. White/yellow with a red edge. A paler secondary halo around the first.

8 Vision is slightly blurry

NOSE
1 Left nostril ran with clear discharge, like a cold. Stopped running in the evening

7 Left nostril runny with yellow, solid flem in it

8 Mucous is clear, watery and opaque. Worse on left side

10 Throughout the day I’ve had a few sneezes

FACE
7 Whitehead on left side of jawbone. Squeezed it

MOUTH
5 Sweet taste at the back of my tongue at 7pm

THROAT - INTERNAL
5 Mucous in the back of my throat

6 Mucous = a desire to swallow which doesn’t help

STOMACH
3 Possibly craving creamy things less

ABDOMEN
4 Irregular, pink blotches in an oval area midway between umbilicus and breast bone and on lower 1/4 of bones (ribs?). I scratched the area and it went pale with wheals. They came on in bath and got worse after the bath

GENITALIA - FEMALE
2 Vaginal sphincture closed more than usual during orgasm in the morning. Even after orgasm, it felt more closed. Coition painful. Also, vagina a bit dry during coition which gave discomfort

4 3 - 5 am had cramp in uterus as if someoone had squeezed it. Worse again at 8am. Worse as dropped kids off to school. This is normal but it started earlier and was twice as bad as usual. Better kneeling with head down on floor, with head lower than backside. This is not usual. Better for a while after this. Also, better leaning over the sharp edge of the settee, better from heat on my back. I’m pale and washed out. Had a dry mouth at one stage

7 Period been normal today and yesterday

8 Sharp pain on entry during sex, then okay

RESPIRATION
8-10 I was taking short gasping breaths with the bad period pain

COUGH
7 Cough from tickly mucousy throat

BACK
0 Feel a need to sit up. Neck > in this position, as if I’ve loosened up. Other side of neck feels sore now. ( Neck has been stiff and sore for a while. Had started on the right then alternated left and right, and for the last few months has settled on the right.
0 Later that evening the pain returned to my neck

1 Left side of neck now not aching

2 Neck still okay. Very minor sense of discomfort on the left, like how it started in the first place

3 Right side of neck is worse again, since exercise. Its possibly getting better again now. Left side, no change

EXTREMITIES
11-13 At the top of my left arm there’s a bruised sensation in the muscle. Lower legs ached as if I’d done lots of dancing. Worse in the left muscles

SLEEP
0 I didn’t go to sleep after lunch like I usually do

2 Feel less sleepy than I have done for a long time

25 Sleepy again. It had improved, and now it’s back but not as bad yet

SKIN
1 I wore a cheap bracelet with gold peeling off. Itching underneath it. Red after scatching. Scrating didn’t help the itching

11-13 Itching from gold bracelet. i’m reacting to metals. Itching, scratching, redness. No amelioration from scratching

39 Peeling skin on palms around the egs of the lines. Also on ankles and tops of feet. Voluptuous itching. Not red

GENERALITIES
0 I’ve spent some time improving my filing system when I’d usually feel tired. (More energy?????)

1 I wore a cheap bracelet with gold peeling off. Itching underneath it. Red after scatching. Scrating didn’t help the itching (Gold/metal allergy ?)

7 Feel tension in my muscles. My body is taught

8-10 The bum in the air position is to try to get ciculation to my head and face

Venus Intro.

Themes and Repertory

Why "Venus Stella Errans"